


Eridan's cock

by lachrymodus, WoodleNoodle



Series: Disobedience Of Social Distancing Guidelines [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: 2b2t, Chickens, Comedy, Dirty Jokes, HE IS A BAD CHICKEN MOTHER, M/M, Memes, Non-Explicit Sex, Quadrant Confusion, Quadrant Vacillation, Quarantine, Sugar Daddy, WAIT NO DONT GO THIS ISNT MPREG, actually a singular chicken, disobediance of social distancing guidelines, eridan is a bad mother, hatespritship, kind of, shitposting, sollux is an epic gamer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-02-23 11:27:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23944135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lachrymodus/pseuds/lachrymodus, https://archiveofourown.org/users/WoodleNoodle/pseuds/WoodleNoodle
Summary: Written chiefly by my lovely matesprit Eliza <3 <3Eridan adopts a tiny cluckbeast on a whim out of quarantine loneliness. Sollux is frustrated that he can't play on the oldest anarchy server in Minecraft as much as he would like. They do the sex. Hilarity ensues.
Relationships: Eridan Ampora/Sollux Captor
Series: Disobedience Of Social Distancing Guidelines [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1770076
Comments: 3
Kudos: 24





	Eridan's cock

One morning, a certain Eridan Ampora was woken up by some quiet squawking next to his recuperacoon. It went on for a while before it could no longer be ignored, and Eridan opened his eyes.

‘Oh, right,’ He thought. ‘I have a fucking cluckbeast.’

Begrudgingly, Eridan slid out of the slime and pulled himself to his feet. It was far too fucking early for this, in his opinion. He felt around for his glasses on his nightstand and put them on. The little feathered shit was hopping around on the edge of his recuperacoon, chirping excitedly as it did so.

Eridan bent over and picked the tiny cluckbeast up.

“Happy to see me, hm?” He mumbled sleepily. He began carrying it out of his respiteblock, but was distracted when his husktop started dinging. Ugh. Fucking great. Eridan placed the chirping cluckbeast on his shoulder and went to check who was bothering him at such an ungodly hour.

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]. --

TA: hey fii2hface, how2 quarantiine?

CA: fuckin wwonderful thanks for askin

CA: since wwhen do you care so much

TA: ii dont. iill ju2t get two the poiint.

TA: the queue for 2b2t ii2 liike 1369, and iim not fuckiing waiitiing that long.

CA: the hell are you implyin

TA: priioq, ed. hand iit over.

CA: no

TA: iill 2uck your bulge.

CA: hm

CA: howw much

TA: iit2 2tiill $20.

CA: literally wwho doesnt havve $20

CA: actually 

CA: it is you wwere talkin about here so im not surprised

TA: ed iim fuckiing broke, why el2e would ii come two you of all people for thii2?

CA: sol wwhy cant you just wwait like evveryone else

TA: do you want a bj or not? ii know youre lonely iin that 2hiip of your2.

CA: okay yeah maybe i do

CA: but is this some kind a sugar daddy arrangement

CA: quite frankly i am not dowwn for givvin you money just cause you wwant to be the most epic gamer on your stupid little servver

TA: iit2 not 2tupiid, iit2 the olde2t anarchy 2erver iin miinecraft!

CA: wwhatevver you say pissblood

CA: come get your fuckin $20 you wwhore

TA: thank2, daddy. <3

CA: no

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] has ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]. --

“Fuck,” Eridan thought aloud. He leaned back in his chair, brushing the violet-dyed hair out of his eyes. “What have I gotten myself into, c-”

He paused as he glanced at the tiny cluckbeast on his shoulder.

Hm. Little shit didn’t have a name yet.

Eridan picked the cluckbeast up again, holding it right in front of his face. It chirped, frantically looking around for a moment before settling down. When he had adopted it on a whim from some random bronzeblood girl, he didn’t realize just how… fragile the little thing was. It fit perfectly in Eridan’s hands, light as a feather. Its tiny bloodpusher pulsed against his palm.

Eridan had only adopted it so he could be a little less lonely during the quarantine. He failed to realize, however, that it was a living thing just as much as he was. Until now. Some kind of realization hit him- that he had NO idea how to take care of a cluckbeast.

Well, I guess the first step is to give it a name. Eridan stared at the tiny cluckbeast, and it vaguely stared into space. When you looked this thing in the eyes you could tell there was fucking nothing going on behind them. Eridan, being the top-quality mother he is, had no fucking idea what to name it. No thoughts. Not even one.

That was when he heard the doorbell ring. Sollux was here.

Eridan got up and scrambled to hide the cluckbeast. He had enough to be embarrassed about already and definitely did NOT need his shitty hatesprit to harass him about this as well. He rushed into the kitchen and stood there in panic for a moment, looking for a good hiding spot. Then he spotted the teapot sitting there on the counter. It wasn’t clean or anything, but it would work just fine. He gently set the cluckbeast inside and placed the lid on top. Good enough for right now. Then, he went to tend to the shithead on the front steps.

Eridan opened the door, greeting Sollux with a vaguely annoyed expression. Sollux gave a knowing smirk and welcomed himself inside, not bothering to close the door behind himself. Typical. Eridan rolled his eyes and shut the door, locking it just to be safe. 

Sollux was a bit of an unkempt mess, and it was pretty safe to say that he hadn’t left his hive stem or likely even his respiteblock in a perigree. Not like Eridan could have been looking much better, though. Sollux didn’t say anything, just pushed him back until he fell onto his couch. Then, the lowblood dropped to his knees, hands going to remove Eridan’s pants. Just as straightforward as his messages had been. Eridan’s hands headed for Sollux’s larger set of horns and grabbed them, gently pulling him forward. And then they did the sex. 

Because they were pent-up horndogs, they actually did the sex twice. By the end of it, though, they’d wound up snuggled into each other on top of the couch. It was almost sweet, until Sollux reached for his pants and pulled his phone out of the back pocket, handing it over to Eridan and in a somewhat teasing voice, requested,

“PrioQ, please~”

Eridan rolled his eyes. He couldn’t exactly deny him, though. He took Sollux’s phone and went to type in his information, but as he did so, Sollux looked around the room and noticed something wholly unexpected and out of place.  
“I didn’t know you had a cluckbeast, ED.”

“What? No, I-” And there it fuckin’ was. The little fuckbeast had climbed out of the teapot and found its way into the living room. It was standing on the coffee table, hopping around and squawking for attention. Eridan tossed Sollux’s phone to the side and leaned forward to pick it up.

“It’s not what it looks like, I swear,” Eridan defended himself as he stood up, still butt-naked, to put the cluckbeast somewhere else. “I was holdin’ it for a friend.” 

“You don’t have friends,” Sollux deadpanned, grabbing his phone and quickly confirming the donation. Then he turned it off and put it back in his pants.

Eridan couldn’t argue with that. With a groan, he carried the cluckbeast into the kitchen and set it down on the counter.

“Okay, listen,” Eridan began as he pulled his shirt on. Then he plopped down next to Sollux again, who had at least gotten his bee-patterned boxers back on. “I was feelin’ lonely and didn’t know what to do about it, so I bought him off ‘a some lowblood girl.” 

“You weren’t social distancing? Scandalous.”

“We were six feet apart an’ wearin’ masks, you shit.” 

“Okay, but you’re on thin fucking ice.”

Then Sollux glanced back to the cluckbeast in the kitchen, a little bit disappointed. He’d wanted to pet the cute little bastard.  
“...So, does he have a name?”

Eridan shook his head. Once again, no fucking thoughts. That made Sollux let out a snorty little laugh. “Seriously, ED? How long have you had him?”

“A few days, I dunno. You can’t expect me to remember that shit.” 

“Fair,” he mumbled, staring longingly. Fuck it. He’s going to pet the little fucker. He got up, walked into the kitchen with Eridan right behind him, and stroked Eridan’s cock.

I mean. Cluckbeast. Eridan’s cluckbeast.

Eridan watched for a moment, then reached out to stroke his own cock as well.

“You wanna name him or somefin?” He asked with a little chuckle.

Sollux stared a hot minute, heterochromatic orbs unblinking, before eventually saying, “Popbob.”

Eridan met his hatesprit’s red and blue eyes with his own icy orange ones (like limpid tears) and said blankly, “What.” 

“You heard me with your internal ears, fishface,” Sollux retorted, “I want to name him Popbob.”

“Sol, what the fuck is a Popbob?”

“He fucked a bunch of people’s shit up, that’s the kind of thing you’re into, right? People who fuck people’s shit up?”

“That’s true, I do love a good shit-fucker.” Eridan pushed the violet streak in his hair out of his eyes. Shit was getting too long. “But… Popbob? Really?” 

“You have anything better, shithead?”

Eridan only stared at him for a moment, before turning away, grumbling. He took the cluckbeast into his hands again, petting its tiny head and turning his nose up at Sollux. He couldn’t help but hold back a tiny smile, though. 

“Fine. Popbob it is.”


End file.
